Originally posted March 10, 2008

One night, I was talking to a guy who told me he was a 20 year old college student living in the dorms. His voice obviously put him in the mid 50s range, but I played along. I asked him what he was up to, and he said, "Oh nothin'. Just coolin' out."

It took all I had not to piss my pants laughing. Because "coolin out" is what all the kids say.


I was talking to a guy who told me he was 24, even though I questioned he was even 18. I asked him to describe himself and he told me he was 5 foot 12. Nice. I had to hang up when he couldn't tell me what year he was born.


A 19 year old from California told me I was special, and that he really wanted to get to know me. He said that I didn't seem like the other phone girls who were only trying to get his money. I point out that this is a job, after all, and he says he knows. But, he also knows I'm different, and he can tell I'm really into the sound of his voice, and I'm really getting turned on. Meantime, I'm actually IMing Dennis about how stupid this kid is.

The kid gives me his number and asks if I'll ever call him. I tell him maybe. He says we should talk, since he can tell we'd be good together, and I should come out to California to visit him.

I tell him that's kind of weird, since I don't know him. He says he wants to know me, and that we have a connection. I'm not like the other phone girls, after all, and he just wants to meet someone special. I tell him that perhaps a phone sex line isn't the best place to meet a nice girl. He says you never can tell where you'll meet that special someone. He gives me his phone number and asks if I'll call him. I tell him maybe.

He goes on to say he knows I like him since he's not desperate like the other guys who call me. Then he asks me if I'm going to call him or not. I tell him maybe.

The guy tells me he knows I'm all aroused and playing with myself since his voice is so sexy. He says he knows I like him since he's confident unlike the guys who normally call me. I laugh and ask him how he can tell I'm playing with myself while I write a quick email to my friend. He can tell just by my voice! He asks if I'll call him. I say maybe.

He says he knows it turns me on that he can read me so well. "I'm already in your head, aren't I?" Of course you are! He tells me how he's not a loser like the guys that normally call me. He asks if I'll call him later. I tell him maybe. He says, "If my mom answers, just tell her you're one of my friends."


I ask a caller to describe himself to me. He tells me he's tall with a really big dick.

"Oh yea?" I say.

"Oh yea, it's really big! It's huge!!"

"Ooooo," I coo, "I like a big dick! How big is it?"

"Six inches baby!"


I ask a guy what he would do with me if I were laying in his bed with him. He told me he really liked to cuddle.



Then there was the guy whose fantasy was to be the most popular guy in his high school that every girl wanted to fuck. He was the talk of the school and every girl knew he was an amazing lover with an enormous dick, so none of them could resist him, including me, the Principal. Even though I was 48 to his 18, I wanted him badly, because I knew he had much to teach me in the pleasures of the flesh. So much so, that I built him an office in the girls' locker room that only he and I knew about. From therein, he had a computer linked so that he could watch the girls throughout the school using the hidden cameras we installed. Of course we made love there when he was supposed to have been in class.

He informs me, "My cock is the size of a baseball bat and my balls are like two cantaloupes!"

When we have sex, he likes to yell commands.

"Tell me I'm a stud!"

"Tell me I'm an amazing stud!"

"Tell me I'm the ultimate stud!"

"Tell me I'm a good lover."

"Tell me I'm an amazing lover!"

"Tell me I'm the ultimate lover!"

"Tell me I'm a stallion."

"Tell me I'm the ultimate stallion!"

"Tell me to ride you like the stallion that I am!"

Now, at this point, I'm annoyed and confused. I've left out numerous adjectives I was to call him, progressing from regular to ultimate stages. So, I say, "What?!"

"Tell me to ride you like the stallion that I am!"

I'm confused. How does a man ride a woman? Since when do horses ride anything? I think maybe I'm missing something, then I remember he has balls the size of grapefruits and wants me to install a secret office for him in the girls' locker room.

So, I decide to fuck with him.

"Let me ride you like the stallion you are!" I yell, enthusiastically.

"No, you're supposed to tell me to ride you like the stallion that I am..."

"You're such a stallion! I wanna ride you like the stallion you are!"

"No! Tell me to ride you like the stallion I am!!" Now he's angry and confused. Good. "I'm riding you right now, later on, you can ride me."

I laugh in my head. I'm turning into a horrible phone sex operator.

"Oh, OK. Ride me like the stallion you are!" I yell.

"Tell me you want me to move in with you."


"Tell me that because I'm such a good lover, you want me to move in with you and marry you."

So, I do, and thus begins a conversation about whether he should move his stuff in or if he should just bring clothes. If he should move in that day after school, or wait until the next day, or even that weekend.

Finally, he thanks me and asks me if I enjoyed the call. I lie and say I had fun, and he asked me if I had any favorite parts about the conversation.

"Well, you're such a good lover, I learned something new, even though I'm much older than you!"

"You did? What did you learn?" He asks.

"I never knew that men could ride women!"

I really don't know what's wrong with me anymore.