Sound Effects and Work-Related Injuries

Originally posted December 31, 2007

One night, while doing my nails and faking orgasms, my caller asked to hear how wet I was. I have one of those jars with a sponge inside that you dip your fingers in to take off the nail polish. It's half empty, so I shook it gently back and forth, and moaned quietly. He was silent when I brought the phone back to my ear, so I asked if he was still there. He took a deep breath and said, "You're really playing with your pussy, aren't you?"

Oh yea baby.

Another morning, I was enjoying my grits and eggs when I was interrupted by a fellow who likes to hear women get off. He, too, asked to hear how wet I was so I put the phone down by my plate and squished my fingers in and out of my grits faster and faster while I yelped in the background.

He said, "That's the real deal isn't it?! You can't fake that shit!"

Nope, can't fake it at all.

When I licked the grits of my fingers, he asked if I was slurping up my cum. "Oh yea baby!"

"You are so fucking hot and nasty." I can't tell you how many times this dude has called me since then.

This works much better than just grabbing your cheek and slapping it back and forth against your teeth, because you can move the phone away from you, and moan at the same time. It sounds like you're really doing it!

If you open your mouth wide, and try to swallow the back of your tongue, while breathing through your throat, it sounds like you're gagging on a dick. If you move the back of your tongue back and forth while saying "ahh" it sounds like you're moving the dick in and out of your mouth while gagging on it. Having a cold is awesome for this, because when you sniff, it sounds like you have a runny nose and teary eyes from the force of cock-gagging.

I used to actually use a vibrator to make my blow job sound effects. I keep one next to my notebook in case a caller wants to hear it. One night, I transferred a cat hair from it to my uvula. I spent the rest of the night gagging and dry heaving trying to dislodge it. That's when I started using the tongue swallowing trick. Much safer.The trick to faking a good orgasm is to gradually moan faster and faster, then take a deep breath in, hold it for a beat, then let it out with a loud groan. In real life, when a girl cums, there's always a hesitation between the moans and the actual orgasm.

My cats used to run away when I'd have my fake orgasms, now they're used to it. Nothing is funnier than brushing your cat while faking an orgasm and hearing a guy say, "You're really cumming aren't you? I wish I could be there watching you right now." Yes, because my oversized sweat pants covered in cat hair is sexier than hell.

I'm all about making it real for them, though. I mean, they should be getting the most bang for their buck, right? A friend remarked it's like an old time radio show, and it totally is. The problem is, when I'm doing something innocent, like playing around with leftover hummus on my plate, I'll think things like, "That sounds sort of like a wet pussy." It ruins a lot of stuff for me.

While folding a belt in half and snapping it makes an effective spanking noise, I prefer to use my ruler. I found this ruler in my school bookstore, it's rubber and very flexible. If I smack it against my foot-board just so, it sounds very much like a riding crop against a bare ass. My little subs love it.

I've also hurt myself in an effort to make it real for my callers.

I spoke with a gentleman who wanted to tear my tank top and panties off of me. He asked me to let him hear me rip my shirt. So, being the good phone whore I am, I grabbed a rag and tore it in half. He was completely silent while I did it, and when I asked him if he heard me, it took him a moment to answer. Then, with thick voice, he asked me to rip my panties off, too. I took one of the pieces of rag, that's much smaller now, and start to rip that slowly. I had the cloth up to my chin so he could hear it, and my grip slipped and I punched myself in the chest. Hard.

One night, while talking to my body builder lover, I was sitting on my floor, punching my mattress. The mattress slipped at some point, and my next punch hit my box spring. I cut my knuckles open and they were swollen the next day. You can't really explain that injury to people.

It's a tough job, but I like doing it!