A Day in the Life

Originally posted November 4, 2007

Get up, make coffee, feed cats, make breakfast, turn on Roseanne.

Whore-phone rings. This better not take long, I think to myself. I'm not supposed to start until 9 and I have a piping hot breakfast plate in my hadn. Grits clump up when they sit you know.

“You have a 10 minute request for Mercedes from Kevin.”

Kevin was my first tranny lover!
It's simple, straightforward tranny sex. We switch hit. Today I topped, next call, he will. Easy. We say goodbye seven minutes later.

I spend the next hour and a half Stumbling, posting on Freak Safari's forum, and IMing people. I should do homework, but meh.

“Mark wants 25, black, kinky, hot and horny for 10 minutes.”

Mark talks to me about his wife and how they've had threesomes with other women. I assume he wants me to have a threesome with them, but he wants to do a MMF threesome. I ask if he thought it woudl be hot to watch his wife get fucked by someone else. Turns out that he wants to be forced to suck a black dick. Surprise!

What is it with white guys and their obsession with black guys' dicks? It's ridiculous. Any time there's any hint a guy wants to play with some other guy's wang, I offer up a big, black dick and he's practically drooling.

There's only been one exception to this I've encountered. When I asked a guy who professed his love of dick slobbering if he'd ever had a black dick, he hesitated and said, "No, just regular ones."

10:50 am
“Louis wants 20, white, and submissive. He called on the Anything Goes line and wants 30 minutes.”

Louis tells me his cock is pierced. Knowing a little something about body piercing, I ask what kind.

“A p.a. and a ladder.”

“Really?! How many rungs to your ladder?”


“That's so fucking hot.” And it is.

Louis and I have standard issue porn sex: bj, cunnilingus, 69, vaginal, anal, facial.

11:18 am
“I have a request for Betty, for 10 minutes, from Luke. You spoke to him on...”

I flip back through my notebook to the first time we spoke. Luke has a tiny dick and he likes to be made fun of for it. It's also funny looking, apparently. He told me the name of the condition afflicting his weiner. I didn't write it down because I couldn't understand what he was telling me, and I really didn't expect him to call back. Last time we spoke, my girlfriends and I made fun of him and then he got gangbanged by a bunch of guys who were painting the house next door.

This time, my girlfriends and I are having a sex toy party, and he's our product tester*. We try different dildos and plugs and whatnot out on him, while laughing at his teenie weenie. I tell him I can't tell if he's hard; it looks more like a giant clit than a penis. Then my friend's boyfriends get there early to pick them up, so they all laugh at Luke, too. Then rape his face.

He thanks me and hangs up.

“Mike's on the line, he wants 35, white and slutty.”

Mike was standard porn scenario as well. Easy. I get him off in 7 minutes, which seems to be my average.

12 noon
“Wayne wants 32, white, sweet and sexy, hot and horny for 30 minutes.”

Wayne has an effeminate voice. He asks me what I'd do to him if I were there, so I start in on my blow job script, but I wonder what his deal really is. As I get into it, he moans a little, and I ask him if he likes his ass played with.

“That's where it gets interesting,” he says.

“How so?”

He explains how he bought a dildo the other day, and he wants me to help him use it for the first time. He wonders if I think that's odd.

I tell him my boyfriend likes getting his ass probed, too. I tell him our favorite thing to do is me riding reverse cowgirl while I plow his ass with my dildo.

Wayne tells me this is beautiful and he wishes he could meet a girl like me someday. He says he's always wanted a woman to fuck him with a strapon. I tell him to start sliding his dildo in his ass while we talk. I tell him I'd give him instructions for fucking himself with it. I say that I'll tell him what I'd do if I were there with him. He groans and tells me he's got an inch in of his 7 inch dildo. I praise him and ask more questions.

He doesn't want to suck a dick, necessarily, but if I really wanted him to, he'd suck my boyfriend off while I rammed him with my strap-on. I tell him that's not necessary. I only want to do what pleases him.

He updates me on his inches achieved, and when he gets to about 4, I tell him to start working it in and out, very shallowly, never taking it all the way out, and every time he works it back, to shove that dildo in a little deeper.

When it's in all the way, I make him sit up and rock back and forth. He groans. He tells me he should have been a girl.

I tell him I thought he didn't want to fuck guys. He assures me he doesn't but he thinks he should have been a girl since he liked being filled up so.

I tell him he'd be a good lesbian. He agrees. I tell him to fuck his ass-pussy hard and fast with his dildo, like it's my big rubber cock. He finishes, and tells me to have a great afternoon.

“I have Jose. He wants 40s, white housewife, chunky, so be like 200 pounds, ok, honey?”

I describe myself for Jose, and he tells me I look like his teachers and his stepmom. He tells me big girls are hot. He tells me that he thinks about fucking his stepmom after his dad is done with her. I ask him to tell me about it.

He says he installed a webcam in their room that broadcasts into his, and he watches them. I ask him if he'd want to lick her clean after his dad got done with her. He says most definitely. Then I ask if he'd like to fuck her at the same time as his dad. He just groaned, then he whispered, “One old cock and one young one at the same time.”

I describe what it would look like to double team his step-mom with his dad.

Hit my 7 minute average with this one, too.

“Charles wants 20, white, hot and horny.”

Charles tells me he's with his girlfriend. They like to masturbate for each other, and sometimes they call up a phone girl to masturbate with them, too.

Like you do.

He says several times that he knows it's kinda weird. I ask him what his girlfriend looks like. He doesn't really seem to know. “Short...like, dark kinda hair. And. Um, 5'5...are you 5'5?” A lot of guys call me pretending they're with other people. That's a lot weirder than masturbating together as far as I'm concerned.

He tells me he's in a chair, and she's on the bed in front of him. I ask him a bunch of questions about what she looks like and what she's doing. He seems a little confused, so I tell him what I'm doing, and turns out, she's doing that, too.

"I'm rubbing my clit in little circles..."

"She's rubbing her clit, too."

"And I have my dildo."

"Yea, she has one of those, too."

He tells me she's about to cum, so he's going to lay next to her on the bed. There's a brief silence and I hear the unmistakable sound of a porno in the background. “She's cumming, you hear her?”

“I do, that's so hot.”

Eventually he cums too, and we say our goodbyes.

"I have a request for Sarah from Darrell. You last spoke to him a week ago."

Darrell calls on a fairly regular basis, generally about once a week, for 10 minutes. We play Daddy's Little Girl. (I'm 18!)

It starts up immediately, as soon as I'm transferred, it's "Hi, Daddy!"

Darrell likes to be rough with his little girl, so there's spanking, and slapping titties and choking. And a constant chorus of "Fuck me, Daddy! Fuck me, Daddy!"

He's usually done about the 7 minute mark, too, but we'll chat for the last 3, which was so unbelievably odd the first time. As soon as it's over and he's caught his breath, he talks to me about regular stuff. He's asked me about my classes and given me career advice. He tells me about what he does for work, once getting cut off as he described the ins and outs of how he got into his particular career field. I hear him walking around, putting stuff in the microwave. I find it difficult to have a normal conversation with someone I just called Daddy and asked to choke me with his dick. Apparently, it's just me.

I sign off at the end of a normal, uneventful day: incest, trannies, and teen whores. And a whole lot of guys who want to suck dick.

*Thanks to Daniel for this scenario. It's come in handy numerous times.