Mamma's Boys

Originally posted December 3, 2007

I get a lot of calls from guys who want to be with moms. Sometimes they want to fuck a friend's mom, but more often than not, it's their own. Some of them claim they already are fucking their mom and just want to share stories. These are easy enough; I have my stock caught-my-son-masturbating-and-joined-in scenario that I use. If he asks for a long block of time, I try to get it so we take turns telling stories, and I make mine parallel his.

Others have only fantasized about it and want me to pretend to be Mom.

What cracks me up is their fascination with Mom's robe. Nearly every one has talked about their mom walking around in her robe with nothing on underneath. Then, Mom bends over in the refrigerator to make her little boy a sandwich, and her robe falls open. When I have to be motherly, and the guy asks what I'm wearing, I've learned to say "my favorite robe." The way they groan, you'd think that was the sexiest thing on the planet.

Of course, they ask if they're bigger than Dad in the pants. And of course they are!

Usually, the guy sets it up so that Mom is widowed or divorced, and she hasn't dated anyone since. Of course, her devoted son feels bad that her needs aren't being met. It's his duty as a good son to make Mom cum since no one else is.

As commonplace as these calls have become for me, it is still slightly disturbing to say, "oh yes, make Mommy cum!"

The best one was the guy who never even thought about fucking his mom until they were drunk together at a wedding. He told me she was 64, short and skinny, wears granny glasses and isn't sexy at all. They went outside to share a cigarette at this wedding, and somehow started making out. They went back to the hotel and got it on. He says she's come to visit, and he's fucked her outside of his bedroom door with his wife sleeping just inside. He says it turns him on so much because it's so nasty and taboo. And she smokes while she gives him blowjobs. At the end of our call, when he came, he yelled that he wanted me to tell his wife he was fucking his mother.

The strangest just happened tonight.

Mindy tells me the guy wants me to be 225lbs and only 35-40. Even though he asked for motherly, I didn't immediately think incest because of the age I was supposed to be. Then, as usual, Mindy saves the best detail for last and tells me he wants to get me pregnant.

Oh, man...

After we dispense with the descriptions, he tells me he wants me to get pregnant with a little girl.

I tell him, "oh yes, fill me up with your swimmers!"

"Really? You want me to make you pregnant?" He sounds very young, and has the quintessential nerd voice.

"Yes! Breed me, baby!"

We go for a little bit, with the moaning and the dirty talk, and he suddenly says, "I want to call you Mom..."

"Yea? You wanna fuck Mommy? Fuck Mommy, get me pregnant!"

"I do! I want to get you pregnant, Mom. Lay on your back and let me fill you up..."

"Fill Mommy up with your seed like a good little boy!"

"I want to get you pregnant with a girl." He says, breathing heavily.

"Then give Mommy that seed and let's make a baby girl!"

"When she's born, I want you to breastfeed her while I'm fucking you."

Now, that's a whole lotta fucked up. I just moaned. What the fuck do you say to that?!

"Will you do that for me, Mommy?"

"Of course I will, darling. You fuck me, and I'll breastfeed you and the baby at the same time."

Have I ever mentioned that I do believe this job has completely ruined me? I mean, really. That's so not an image I ever wanted in my mind. But, somehow, I find a way to make it even worse.

"And when she gets older, you'll fuck her, too, won't you?" I ask him.

"I will. You're such a good mom, you knew that's what I wanted didn't you?" He's nearly breathless, thank the gods.

"Of course I know what my little boy wants. Then you can get her pregnant, too, right?"

And that's all it took. He comes and I hang up with a shiver. I wonder if there will ever come a day when I no longer bat an eye at the things men want to talk about...