First Day

Originally posted August 7, 2007

I decided to work a little bit today. I'm not officially on the schedule, but my trainer told me I should call in and try it out before my first day.

I was so nervous. When I called up to tell them I was available, I was shaking. My heart was racing and I was all sweaty. I sat on my hands, trying to keep myself from calling back to tell them to forget all this nonsense.

I IM Dennis and tell him what I've done. He sent me a virtual high 5. He's way more excited about my new gig than I am. He assures me I'll be fine.

"I'm all nervous and sweaty!" I type to him, after I wipe my sweaty palms on my pajama pants.
"Don't tell them that," Dennis advises, "...unless they're interested."

Dennis has agreed to be my helper. He's certain I'm going to make a terrific telephone trixie, and he promises to help me set up scenarios. Apparently, Dennis knows a whole lot about phone sex and domination stuff. I find myself intrigued by this new facet of Dennis' personality...

My phone rings. Jackhammer heart! I stare at the telephone like it's possessed and seriously consider not even answering. Then I remember I can't let it ring more than thrice and hurry to pick it up as it starts its third ring.

The receptionist, Mindy, tells me "Norman would like to talk to...oh damn, he hung up." She laughs softly and apologizes. "The fucker!"

Now, I feel like I want to vomit. This is lame. Why would I want to do this? It's like a tremendous sugar crash, and I'm hot and tired and vaguely ill.

My phone rings 10 minutes later. Jackhammer heart! This time, I'm excited as well as terrified when I say hello to Mindy. She tells me Jacob would like to talk to his sister. Oh, OK.

I say hello to Jacob. I'm not supposed to already know his name! I already fucked up. I describe my pink lace teddy and thong. I show him my tight shaved pussy and squeeze a 38D boobie, and he hangs up. I don't think I did a good job pretending to be Jacob's sister. I feel sort of bad, poor boy was all hopped up and I ruined his fantasy.

I suck at this job. I hope Jacob just shot his load quickly and hung up. I told Dennis that I should have mentioned the sister thing sooner. He says I need to make the telephone calls about them. I shouldn't tell them about myself unless they ask me. Basically, I'm supposed to be way into them.

"I listen to clips of phone sex whores and they have it all wrong," he explains, "they think it's all about them, like "oh I'm a c cup, and my boobs feel so nice."
"Well, yea, that's how they trained me to be. I'm supposed to tell them my measurements and all that..."
"No no no! You'll get a much better reaction if you make it about them. Guys don't understand numbers! We're not all Asian."

Dennis actually makes sense when he's not too busy being a jerkass. Again, I'm wondering what the hell goes on in this man's head when my phone rings.

Mindy tells me that Frank paid for a 30 minute call and wants to talk to a black woman who's big into body building. I'm black! I lift weights!! Hell yea, Frank! It's on. It's on like Donkey Kong!"

Frank tells me he wants to talk to someone about his fantasy.

"Tell me anything, baby."

He tells me he likes looking at photos of big lady body builders. He tells me I'm 5'4 and 180 pounds of pure muscle. He tells me to grit my teeth and tell him I'm a big muscle bitch.

"I'm a big muscle bitch, baby!"

Then he tells me that I don't care about the other people in the gym and I like watching myself flex in the mirrors. He tells me to let him hear me grunt as I do 3 squats. He corrects my grunts. He explains that I'm squatting 315 pounds and that my grunts should be a little big longer, "like uuuunnngggghhhAAAAAAAHH" I mimic him as well as I can. He approves and tells me to do 6 squats.

Then he tells me that I own my own gym, way out in the middle of nowhere. I bought an old abandoned warehouse and converted it to this personal gym space for my employers. "You work for a criminal organization. Like the mob, you know? And you break heads for them, you don't know why, just that every once in a while they bring someone to you and it's your job to fuck them up."

He tells me that I need to warm up because my employers called to tell me they were bringing me a head to break.

"You like the way you look in the mirror don't you?"
"Oh yea..."
"Your legs are huge aren't they? They're bigger than normal because you do so many squats and kicks. They're big from the juice aren't they?"
"Oh yea, baby, I can crush skulls between my thighs!"
"Yea...that's hot. Do some more spinning kicks. Slowly, there is a second or two between kicks, isn't there? Yea, because you're doing a full turn, a full spin with a powerful kick at the end. Let me hear you kick your heavy bag..."
I do 5 spinning kicks. Then I do 6 quick punches. I practice martial arts, too, and I don't wear gloves or anything, my hands and feet are just gnarled and callused from breaking heads and working out.

"You're all sweaty and breathing heavy from those spinning kicks, aren't you?"
"Oh yea," I pant.
"You're looking at yourself in the mirror, aren't you? You're going to do some body building poses and show off how big your muscles are. Grit your teeth and tense your would that sound if you were clenching your jaw to flex your neck muscles?"

I clench my jaw and try to grunt. I can't even laugh. I'm concentrating on getting the noises right. He's very particular, and if I don't get it right, he'll correct me. I hear people walking up and down the hall while I do my grunting spinning kicks. It's only 11:30 in the morning. I wonder what they think is going on in my apartment?

He describes for me the different poses weight lifters do, and asks me to grunt as I do them. It's easier for me to try to figure out how someone would grunt this out if I actually do it. So, I press my palms together in front of my abdomen as hard as I can and flex my puny muscles and grunt with all my might.

"That's the All Muscle," he tells me, "it shows off every muscle in your body doesn't it? Now two men in suits come into the room. They're carrying a girl between them. She's kind of sagging, isn't she?"
"Yea, she looks weak!"
"Yea, she is weak. You're going to have fun breaking this little girl aren't you?"
"Oh yea!"
"Turn your back to the men and show them your muscles, flex your arms so they can see how your traps and delts stand out."

It's not my place to ask why I have to break this girl, or what she did. My job is to break heads, and I love it.

"Go get the girl from the men, and then grit your teeth and say, 'I'm going to break this little girl.'"
"GRRR I'm going to break this little girl!"
"Yea. Now grit your teeth and say, 'I'm a big muscle bitch!'"
"I'm a big muscle bitch and I'm gonna break this little girl!"
"Oh yea..."

He instructs me to lift the girl up onto a spare hook I have. It's the same kind of hook that holds up my heavy bag, but I put it in to hold up little girls whose heads I have to break.

I have to punch her with 6 quick, grunting jabs. Then I steady her and deliver 5 powerful spinning kicks. My grunts and kicks are so inspired, I laugh and deliver 6 more.

Then I take her down and put her in a chin lock, grunting with the force of my bicep digging into her chin.

"You flex your bicep so her head goes up and you make her look at the two men, don't you?"
"Yea, I make them look at the pathetic little bitch's face!" I laugh, "Look at how she's crying! What a weak little girl."
"She is! And you're not even done with her, are you?"
"Hell no! I'm just getting started!" I laugh again
"You're going to flip her over, so she's on her back, but you're not going to sit on her or anything, you're just going to like, squat over her, right?"
"Yes, I'm going to squat so everyone can see how big my quads are,"
"Yea, because you have huge legs don't you?"
"Oh yea, I do so many squats..."
"And kicks, so many spinning kicks your thighs and calves are enormous, right?"
"Oh yea!"
"Ok, now, you're going to take her and tear her pants off,"

I lean into my pillow and pull the pillowcase off. I don't know! It worked though.

"Yea, so she's naked now, isn't she, and you're going to pull her legs apart, just stretch them as far as you can. What do you think that would sound like, if you were pulling her legs as far back as you could?"
"Yea, and you're going to punch her in...punch her...her cunt, aren't you?"

It's funny to me that he had such a hard time making himself say "cunt."
"Yea, I'm going to jackhammer this pathetic little girls cunt!"

And I punch my pillow a bunch of times. Then I laugh, at the absurdity of what's happening. I cover my laugh with some bad ass muscle bitch talk.

"I'm just destroying this little bitch's cunt with my huge fists!" And I punch my pillow like 10 more times.

"Ok, now, you do a lot of crunches don't you? You have nice solid abs, right?"
"Oh yea, my 6 pack is like a brick fucking wall!"
"Yea, you're going to spin the girl around, and grab her with two fistfuls of hair and slam her into your abs. What would that sound like, if you broke her face with your abs?"

I kneel on the floor and try to figure out what it really would sound like. I grab my pillow and slam it into my stomach over and over, and force out my breath in a grunt like I was one of those freak shows at my gym.

"Yea, her face is all messed up isn't it?"
"Yea, she's all bloody. I broke her face with my rock hard abs!"
"Now you're going to flip her over on her stomach, and you're going to straddle her, with your arms around her waist. You're going to squeeze her middle with your huge arms. What would that sound like?"

I squeeze the shit out of my pillow, "grrrrrrHUUUAAAH!!!!!!!!!"

"You're going to squeeze her again, because you see some...stuff dripping out from her ass, right? You're going to turn her ass blue! Tell the men you're going to turn her ass blue and squeeze her again!"
"Watch me turn this pathetic little girl's ass BLUE! grrrrrrrRRRAAAAAARRRRR!!"
"And there's...poo dripping out, from the force of you squeezing her, but you don't care, do you?"
"Hell no! Fuck this pathetic little girl! I'm going to squeeze EVERYTHING out of her, squeeze the bitch dry! GGGGGGGRRRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!"

I hear the beep warning me that we have 3 minutes left.

"I've had so much fun breaking this little girl today!" I say. He catches on right away.
"Yea, what was your name again?"
"Ok, Serena, we have one more thing to do, ok?"
"Ok...what am I going to do to finish this little girl off?"
"You're going to snap her neck. Ok, you're going to take three deep breaths, and then a quick 'HUH' to snap her neck."
I try it, but I said "huh" with each breath.
"No, no, you would take three breaths, like, this" he inhales and exhales deeply, "then a quick, sharp "huh!"

I flashed back to all the Steven Segal movies I've seen and twisted my pillow sharply to the left. "HUH!"

"Now, you let her drop to the ground,"
"Like a pathetic little rag doll."
"Yea, now you're going to walk to the two guys and give the one on the left a spinning kick."

I make my spinning kick noise and punch the side of my mattress. I hurt myself doing this!

"Then you and the other guy laugh and high five."
This is sweet because I did want to laugh. Why would I spinning kick my employer?

"Then the guy on the right gives you the juice, what you've been waiting for."

There's a click and we're disconnected. I actually had fun. What a great first call to have! I got to pretend to be a bad ass action movie chick! I hoped good ol Frank got off. I felt really bad he was just disconnected like that. Seems like bad business, but he did only pay for a 30 minute call.

That was fun, Frank. Let's do it again another time!


Anonymous said...

It's been years since I've read this. I'd forgotten. Ho-lee shit, this was insane!