Home Sweet Home

Originally posted March 30, 2008

I went back to my lovely digs working with Mindy.

USA Chatlines is a horrible, piece of shit company. Phone whores don't make much money as it is, but the money they promise you is unattainable. It is impossible to make money as they outline it in the stupid emails they send you multiple times a day.

If you want to be a telephone actress, DO NOT work for USA Chatlines. Fuck them bitches.

Besides, the dudes that call there and stupid and boring. In the two months I was there, the only interesting calls I got were from Mason and the Pussy Gnome. Those guys know nothing about having cool and weird fetishes. Boring!

Luckily, Mindy has a kind heart and happily welcomed me back into the fold. My names were still available and everything!

It's like I never left. My first day back, I spoke with Mr. Fantastic and
Lil Tim Tim
and I picked up where we'd left off, with him still being a naughty little boy in school, and me punishing him by making him wear diapers. We've talked many times and now we have basic chit chat before we delve into the role play. The last time we talked before I left, there were those fires raging in California, where he's from. Getting that news report from a man pretending to be 5 was a bit surreal. This time, I told him that I had to take a couple months off for "personal reasons."

He said, "I hope you all o-tay now, mommy! I gwad you back to pway, I missed yooooou!"

My reunion with Mr. Fantastic didn't go over as well. I greeted him with my best, "How are you!" in an attempt to recreate the emotions after encountering a long lost friend that I didn't really like to begin with.

His reply was an offended and rude, "Who am I?!"

I was instantly reminded why I hate him, but still tried to be nice. I clarified that I asked how he was. How could I not know Mr. Fantastic, after all? I told him, too, that I'd left for personal reasons.

"What kind of personal reasons?" He demanded.

I didn't like his tone, and even though I didn't have personal reasons for leaving, really, I was still offended on Sarah's behalf because, if she says "personal" he should respect that. Asshole.

"Just personal stuff, I don't want to talk about it. How have you been Mr. Fantastic?"

"Have you been in school this whole time?"


"Did you break up with that guy?" He demands.


"Oh, so he's not the personal reason," he says.

"I told you, it's not important and it doesn't need to be a topic of discussion." I lost Sarah's sweet voice, so I stop myself before I get more obviously pissed off.

"Well, I'm just going to hang up. I don't like this conversation," he whines petulantly.

"What? Why not?" I ask, honestly surprised.

"You don't sound happy to hear from me..."

I really have no idea how I kept from laughing at the pouty tone in Mr. Super-Dom's voice. I did try half-heartedly to convince him he was wrong, but I really wasn't happy to hear from him. I'm actually glad I pissed him off, now I don't need to worry about hearing from him anymore.

Unfortunately, he was replaced by another "Dom," who's called me twice.

This one is Jed, a 60 year old man with a lot of money and a preference for 18 and 19 year olds. The first time he called he told me how much he loves treating girls like shit. Of course, I like being treated like shit, too, so we hit it off.

He told me how he has his 19 year old girlfriend, as well as 4 other young girls he can degrade and abuse. He tells me about setting up gang-bangs for them. His favorite thing to do is take them to peep shows, make them jerk him off while they watch the girls dance, and then lick his jizz off the window. Yum, sexy!

He asks me if I'm a dirty girl, and specifically I'd be his dirty girl.

"I'm super fucking filthy, and I'm willing to be your dirty fucking cum dumpster!" I reply happily. (Thanks to Dennis for supplying that line, by the way!)

He tells me how he'd treat me if I were his girlfriend, "I'd have you tied to the bed, naked, and there would be two girls pulling and sucking on your nipples," he says, all old and raspy.

"Oh yea?" I'm intrigued!

"Oh yea, and then, I'd bring in a bunch of guys to take turns fucking your whore holes!"

"How many guys?!"


"Wow! Ten cocks, just for meeee?!" I say this in my best, opening presents on Christmas morning voice.

Eventually, he asks me if I've ever fucked an animal. Well, of course I have, silly! A big Great Dane in fact!

He starts to ask me about it, then asks about horses. I confess I'm afraid to fuck a big horse cock, but I have sucked one. He likes this well enough, and soon shoots his old man load.

He calls back just two short days later, and tells me how much I turned him on. I wonder about where his 5 teen-aged girlfriends are if he keeps calling me. He's less dominant this time and more indulgent. He tells me how I should go out and find a rich old man like him to buy me things. He says that if we lived in the same state, he'd buy me all sorts of things and take me out to fancy restaurants. He says he knows I'm beautiful and I turn him on so. He'd been thinking about me since our last call, and couldn't wait to talk to me again.

I coo and thank him, and then he asks me to tell him about fucking that Great Dane.

That's really why he wants to spend money on me! He tells me he's got two dogs, so he'd wine and dine me just so his dogs could take advantage of me.

I spend the next 10 minutes listening to him fap furiously away while I spin a delightfully disgusting tale of doggy-fucking.

After we hang up, I get a call from a man requesting a she-male with big, natural breasts.

God, I missed this place!