Quiet Time With Baby

Originally posted April 14, 2008

I had an interesting conversation with Lil Tim Tim. He knows me as Mary Anne, but has never called me by name. He always me Mom, and has never dropped the baby talk with me. I'm never really sure what to do with him; it's hard enough having a conversation for a half an hour with a real 5 year old!

Our conversations used to start with me being angry because he got in trouble at school for not acting his age. He'd tell me his teacher didn't think he was ready for kindergarten. He just wanted to stay home and be a baby. We've reached an agreement where if he behaves at school, he can be Mommy's Baby when he gets home. He gets a bubble bath. He gets to dump the baby powder on himself when we put the diaper on. Sometimes he wears footie pajamas, but mostly he kicks it in just a diaper. We'll have a snack and then chit chat. Every once in a while, I'll sing to him. The singing cracks me up, I am absolutely tone deaf but a real baby doesn't really know any better; I don't know how he tolerates it.

This call was a little different. He asked me what I was wearing and what I did for a living. He asked how old I was and what I looked like. I've talked to him countless times and these things have never come up. I was never more than this abstract "Mom" in his fantasy. It threw me off a little bit and I had to remember to use my mommy voice and not the sexy voice in describing myself.

We were laying on my bed and he had his head on my stomach. He was wearing his baby bunny diapers and I was stroking his hair while we talked about baby bunnies and duckies. It was a quiet sort of thing, since I was really tired and out of things to talk about. We were getting ready for a nap, when he asked me, "Why do I like being a baby, Mommy?"

Now there's a loaded question for you.

I thought for a bit, then I said, "Sometimes it's hard to be a big boy. You have to do all sorts of things you don't want to do. And sometimes, when you're a big boy, you have to do things you don't even like to do. That's not very fun and it's very stressful. So, it's nice to come home and be a baby with no worries at all. It's nice to lay your head on a warm tummy and just relax with someone who loves you. And who loves you more than your mommy?"

He was quiet for a long time. I didn't know if I'd said something wrong, so I just sat there waiting. He finally said, in a husky sort of baby voice, "I really enjoy talking to you, Mary Anne."

It didn't strike me as I was saying it that I was anywhere near the mark, I was mostly just rambling. Early in the conversation he'd said that kindergarten was hard and that he was very tired. I took it to mean he had a stressful week at work, and that's why it was a sleepy sort of conversation we were having. I was only trying to talk in the way you do when you're laying in bed half asleep, just enjoying being warm and near someone.

I don't tend to question "why" when I talk to my pervs. That's not really for me to know or attempt to figure out. In most cases, I can't even begin to think of whys. Much of the time, I can't figure out why I do the things that I do. How can I begin to understand why some guy would want to have sex with a pregnant tranny? The least important aspect of that conversation is how the tranny got pregnant to begin with and that's a big fucking question.

I've never thought about why people want to be adult babies. I mean, I've wondered why Tim Tim talks to Mindy in the baby voice, too, and why he chooses to be 5. I often wonder why he snivels all the fucking time. I wonder why listening to a grown man pretending to be 5 only really infuriates me when he won't stop sniveling. I wonder if he gets to play this fantasy out with a significant other, or if he ever has. How would that conversation go? How do you even tell your lady that you like to put on a diaper and talk like a 5 year old? He gets so into his character, I can't imagine I'd be his only outlet. If I am, I feel bad for him.

In fact, I've never even wondered what he does for a living until I was relating this story to a friend the other night. I've never wondered how old he really is, or if he's married or has any children. I was never convinced any of that really mattered. It's all about making sure they get off within their allotted time, right? Well, Tim Tim never gets off as far as I can tell. Our conversations never turn sexual, I don't know if he makes it sexy once we hang up. I suppose it's possible.

Now I wonder if my attempt at answering why will change the dynamic between Lil Tim Tim and Mommy. Is Lil Tim Tim my new biggest fan now because I figured out why he likes being a baby? Is he in awe and in love, thinking I get him? Maybe our conversations will be easier since I've touched a part of his psyche.

What if he really did have to do something that made him unhappy in his real life version of kindergarten? Did he have to fire someone? Did he have to sit in all day conferences listening to discussions of profit margins and second quarter earnings? Maybe he got fired; I keep hearing the economy is in the shitter after all.

Or maybe I was way off and he hung up laughing, saying, "This whore thinks she's smart!"