How Telephone Acting Can Change Your Life

Originally posted June 5, 2008

As she talks about them, she seems to have that bitter disdain for men like a lot of sex workers do. She calls them “idiots” and “fucking bastards.” Even when she says “the guys” there’s an edge to her voice. It’s strange to me, these guys just want to get off. They can do that for free! Instead, they’re giving us money to help them with their fantasies because they can’t talk to people in their real lives about them. I guess after 7 years of talking to perverts, you get burned out. ~Me

Change that to 7 months.

A couple of people have pointed out how my attitude has changed since I started. I've referred to callers as "assholes." I've stopped focusing on the caller and started trying to IM and watch TV shows with closed captioning while talking to them. I get mad at them for not saying what they want, even though not very long ago, I wrote how that was an aspect of many calls and it was up to me to figure out what they really wanted. I actually enjoyed that process and felt proud of myself when I finally unraveled the mystery.

I use to have entries stockpiled for this blog, waiting for my weekly update. I'd write something at the end of nearly every shift. Now it's been a month since I've written anything.


I'm not sure. On some level, I feel like I've heard every incarnation of the fantasies I've already written about. Perhaps since it's not new to me anymore, and actually a little boring, I figure you'll be bored, too.

But, why all of a sudden, am I bitter and angry at the poor pervs who just want to get off? Those men who probably don't have a woman in their lives to tell these things to and turn to me suddenly get attitude. It's not like anything has really changed. Most of the guys I talk to are surprisingly nice. Just because I've already talked to two guys who want to fuck their moms today, doesn't mean the third guy deserves a half-assed phone call.

It is draining. You talk to someone, and you have to be exactly what he's looking for, or else he hangs up unhappy and you don't get paid. You have to let men call you every terrible name they can think of, and describe doing disgusting things to you, without taking it personally. For 25 cents a minute. Or you have to verbally humiliate and abuse a caller, without letting them know you feel sorry for them. You have to convincingly talk seductively about things that might disturb you. Or offend you. For .25 cents a minute.

Do you realize that there's a permanent, unalterable change in your mental after you've described the texture of your poop as it flows into some guy's mouth? Or that part of your brain screams in horror while another part describes the joys of bestiality? That sometimes, when you're alone, handling your business, a man in heels will enter your dream, unbidden, and beg to suck the cum out of you?

You know, being a phone floozy ruins everything sexual in your life. I've thought more about what I'd do if a guy I dated wanted to wear panties in the past 8 months than I have ever in life. Comments from a man that ordinarily wouldn't even register, I now wonder if they're indicative of some deep, dark fetish. A guy might say, "yea, I've had a girl rim me, it was pretty cool. I'd let a girl do that again," and it used to be barely eyebrow raising. Now? Now I wonder if he's got manties in his closet and secretly wants to get assfucked by a big black dick.

Forget about ever having phone sex again. I wasn't a big phone sexer before this job, but it would be impossible now. I tried exactly once. It's difficult to not be Charlotte and be me, the girl who was into this particular guy. In my mind, he kept becoming a caller, not a guy I wanted to hump. I kept slipping into work mode and saying things that didn't feel natural since they're Charlotte lines. It took a lot effort to keep Charlotte at bay and just enjoy the moment. He felt as though he had all this competition since I've already heard everything, what could he possibly say to turn me on at this point? And in a way, that's true. Not that a man I'm interested wouldn't be capable of saying something sexy to me anymore, but the telephone thing has become so separated from my reality, it just won't work.

Apparently, it's intimidating, too. Guys have told me they wouldn't want their girlfriend to be a phone whore. Or that they feel at a disadvantage because my dirty talk skills are way beyond what they can imagine. It takes sexy banter to a whole different level when, as a woman, you say something absolutely shocking to a man and leave him speechless. Unless I just meet pansy asses...

Even sex itself changes. On one hand, it's awesome that suddenly, you can be very dirty talking in bed. Well, me, not you. I was never talkative, I was way too self conscious. Now that I can see the effect that some choice nastiness flowing from your lips can have, I'm not so self-conscious. On the other hand, now I worry that he'll think I'm just exaggerating, saying dirty things because of my job. I can't win!

And really, what do I tell people I do for a living when I go on job interviews? I provide customer service from home over the telephone. Well, what type of customer service to you provide? The type where the caller hangs up with a smile. And kind of sleepy and in need of a sandwich.

I'm trying to get back to bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Charlotte, who took such pride in making men cum from my well-crafted, personalized fantasies. I feel bad for them. That has to be a low feeling to have the girl you're paying to talk to you be obviously bored.

I need a rejuvenation! A rediscovery of what makes telephone acting so rewarding!

I'm trying.


Will said...

You said: "The type where the caller hangs up with a smile. And kind of sleepy and in need of a sandwich."

In this context it would be spelled 'sammich'. I'm here to help.