Tasting Caterpillars

Originally posted September 19, 2007

I just got off of a call that Mindy made out to be a tough one. "You have to know something about wrestling, boxing, or martial arts, OK? It's crucial, I really don't think it's so much about the sex as the sports."

"OK," I'm nonchalant, I like boxing, so I figure I'm good.

"Are you sure?" She sounded really concerned, "Because it's the most important part."

"Yea, I'm sure."

It was no big deal, I didn't understand what was so complicated. I told the guy I was training to be a boxer, made my body very muscular, and said I took martial arts when I was a kid. After we talked a bit, and he repeated how it would be embarrassing to get beat up by a girl, I had him figured out.

I described kicking his ass in his basement. I spoke softly, and mockingly and used some random boxing terms. "I keep delivering shots to your body. Left, right, left, right. You know I can knock you out with a good solid jab to your obliques, right? That way you won't have to worry about being embarrassed tomorrow telling all your coworkers a girl gave you a black eye."

I tried to engage him, ask him if he was going to fight back, but he really couldn't talk. I figured he was liking his ass kicking well enough, so the third time I knocked him to the ground, I sat on his stomach and punched him until time ran out.

Then I went back to Stumbling.

Moments later, my phone rang.

"Congratulations, Charlotte!" Mindy said, laughing.

"What?" I had no clue what she was talking about, "That guy?"

"Yes! You made it! You have to tell me something," she says, very conspiratorially. It's funny that I'm making friends with the receptionist, "What did you do? It wasn't about the sex was it?"

"No, I just beat him up and made fun of him for it," I said, "Why? Does he call a lot?"

"YES! And he's never happy. He canceled 7 times in one night!"

"Really?! WOOHOO!!" I really cheered and Mindy really laughed. "I'm so proud of myself!"

"You should be!"

What a thing to be proud of. But I am, damnit!